Traditionally, the holidays are a time for family. So what better time to take a step back and re-evaluate your priorities than during this time when things usually slow down a bit? Especially when it comes to being a parent/coach.
Most people who coach start out for the right reasons. Usually a team their daughter is on needs a coach, the coach has some knowledge and wants to give back to the game, and the parents wants to spend more quality time with his/her daughter.
Somewhere along the way, though, competitive natures come out and even for those with the best intentions it becomes a little less about spending time with your daughter and more about racking up the W's. That's when the trouble starts.
Suddenly your daughter isn't your daughter anymore. She's the kid who threw a pitch down the middle on an 0-2 count with the winning run on second. Or she's the kid who dropped the easy fly ball, booted the grounder, or popped up with runners in scoring position.
At that point, just when she needs a hug and a Lifesaver candy, she instead gets the dagger eyes from the coach/parent who expected her to do better in that tough situation. "She's a better player than that," you think. "She knew the game was on the line and she choked. Arrrgggghhh!"
Yes, that's true. She is, and she did. She knows it. She definitely knows it. And what she needs is a parent to tell her everything will be ok, the sun will come up tomorrow and the world will keep on spinning. But if you're too busy being the Coach, you may forget to tell her that.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: kids are not short adults. (It's not an original statement to me, by the way, but I think it's an apt description.) They react to adversity differently than we do. And they react to approval, or lack of it, differently than we do too. It's important to keep that in mind, especially since they may hear both their coach and their parent saying something to them in the same breath.
It's not just about games, either. While you may have dreams of your daughter playing in the WCWS, her dreams for her career may be different. You have to remember it's her career and react appropriately.
I remember one warm, sunny Easter Sunday suggesting to my oldest daughter that we go out and pitch after breakfast. Her reaction: "It's Easter!" To her it was a holiday, and that meant it was a no-softball zone. I knew she could use the practice, and that it would help her get better, which meant her team (which I coached) would win more.
But she was having none of it. It's not that she didn't want to win, but it wasn't as all-consuming to her as it was to me. At that point I had to step back and be a parent who supports his daughter in HER quest instead of basing her life on MY priorities.
In the post-holiday glow, do a little self-evaluation. If you are coaching your own daughter (or your son for that matter, because it's the same on that side), ask yourself whether you're treating your child as your child or as a player. Give it some real thought. Then ask your daughter. The answer may surprise you.
Your daughter will be your player for only a few short years, but she'll be your daughter for your whole life. Keep that in mind and you'll find the whole relationship goes a lot more smoothly.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Communicate with your players
Communicate with your players, so you don't have to talk to the parents.
Posted by Championship Coaching Academy on August 28, 2011 at 8:00am
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The title of this article implies that you don't want to communicate with the parents of your players. This isn't what it means at all. The fact is that we should all want to create an environment with our parents that is open and based on the principle of togetherness. The point of this article is to limit the number of negative conversations that you need to have during your season. In 19 years, I have had three of these conversations and each time it was because I dropped the ball in my communication with the athlete. If you are pro-active and honest with your athletes you will have few if any issues with your parents.
Here are a few tips to use to have an open relationship with your athletes.
1. Complete a skill assessment on each athlete during your first week of practice. Even if you are not having cuts, assess each player on their game skills, athleticism, knowledge of the game, etc. Sit down with each player and go over the assessment with them. Ask them if they disagree with anything on it. You will find that the vast majority will have a realistic opinion of their ability. Tell each player where you see them fitting into the team. If they are not a likely starter make sure they understand that things can change and mean it!
2. Talk to every player, every day about anything except for your sport. Ask them about their day, their classes, their dog, or their favorite song. You can spend as little as 10 seconds with a player. They will see that you really care about them as people. This will help create that bond that you need to have a tight team and it will give you the benefit of the doubt with the player when they are feeling down about their play.
3. Publicly praise your role players. Make sure that everyone understands that every contribution is significant to your success as a team. It isn't the superstar that is the difference between the best teams, it is the role player. If your lesser skilled players feel that they are an important piece of the team, he/she will never complain about their playing time.
4. No surprises. If you are changing your lineup, you may be crushing one of your players. The player that is no longer starting may run through a number of emotions: anger, embarrassment, and disappointment to name a few. The day before the game you should speak with the player not starting. In that private conversation let him/her know the reason why. Be honest with them. If they aren't getting it done, let them know. They will appreciate not being blindsided on game day when you announce the starters and it will give them a day to digest the information.
If you do all of the above and incorporate these simple rules for your parents you will have few if any issues with the parents through the season.
Here are a few rules for you to have with your parents.
You will never talk to them about playing time or about other athletes. It isn't right to talk about other athletes with them. They should understand that. As for playing time, their child should talk to you about what they need to do to get better. When you have that conversation, be honest and also sensitive to their feelings. You don't want to lose the kid. If they do what you asked and do improve....get them on the field!
If there is a concern, the parent should encourage the athlete to speak with you first. If the parents, feel that was not successful, they should then speak with you. If at that point, they feel unsatisfied, then and only then should it elevate to the athletic director or principal.
The strategies with your players are the important piece here. The more you communicate with your players and the more loved and appreciated that they feel, the easier your season will be and the fewer problems you will have.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Posted by Championship Coaching Academy on August 28, 2011 at 8:00am
Send Private Message View Blog
The title of this article implies that you don't want to communicate with the parents of your players. This isn't what it means at all. The fact is that we should all want to create an environment with our parents that is open and based on the principle of togetherness. The point of this article is to limit the number of negative conversations that you need to have during your season. In 19 years, I have had three of these conversations and each time it was because I dropped the ball in my communication with the athlete. If you are pro-active and honest with your athletes you will have few if any issues with your parents.
Here are a few tips to use to have an open relationship with your athletes.
1. Complete a skill assessment on each athlete during your first week of practice. Even if you are not having cuts, assess each player on their game skills, athleticism, knowledge of the game, etc. Sit down with each player and go over the assessment with them. Ask them if they disagree with anything on it. You will find that the vast majority will have a realistic opinion of their ability. Tell each player where you see them fitting into the team. If they are not a likely starter make sure they understand that things can change and mean it!
2. Talk to every player, every day about anything except for your sport. Ask them about their day, their classes, their dog, or their favorite song. You can spend as little as 10 seconds with a player. They will see that you really care about them as people. This will help create that bond that you need to have a tight team and it will give you the benefit of the doubt with the player when they are feeling down about their play.
3. Publicly praise your role players. Make sure that everyone understands that every contribution is significant to your success as a team. It isn't the superstar that is the difference between the best teams, it is the role player. If your lesser skilled players feel that they are an important piece of the team, he/she will never complain about their playing time.
4. No surprises. If you are changing your lineup, you may be crushing one of your players. The player that is no longer starting may run through a number of emotions: anger, embarrassment, and disappointment to name a few. The day before the game you should speak with the player not starting. In that private conversation let him/her know the reason why. Be honest with them. If they aren't getting it done, let them know. They will appreciate not being blindsided on game day when you announce the starters and it will give them a day to digest the information.
If you do all of the above and incorporate these simple rules for your parents you will have few if any issues with the parents through the season.
Here are a few rules for you to have with your parents.
You will never talk to them about playing time or about other athletes. It isn't right to talk about other athletes with them. They should understand that. As for playing time, their child should talk to you about what they need to do to get better. When you have that conversation, be honest and also sensitive to their feelings. You don't want to lose the kid. If they do what you asked and do improve....get them on the field!
If there is a concern, the parent should encourage the athlete to speak with you first. If the parents, feel that was not successful, they should then speak with you. If at that point, they feel unsatisfied, then and only then should it elevate to the athletic director or principal.
The strategies with your players are the important piece here. The more you communicate with your players and the more loved and appreciated that they feel, the easier your season will be and the fewer problems you will have.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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